just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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