so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
