I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
