Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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