if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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