you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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