I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
this just has baby written all over it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
