That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
