i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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