Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
