Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
