Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
