those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
