Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
