I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
