On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
