she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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