i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
