imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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