How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
