Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
