Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
