you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
