Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
