At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
