I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
