Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
