What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
