At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
