I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
