haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
