i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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