i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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