remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What drink are we having for lunch?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
