loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
