Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
