i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
