i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
im on a boat
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