finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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