I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
