I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
