Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
