I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
