2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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