I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
