It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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