Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
