In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
