the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You can't just leave with hair like that
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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