I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
