my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
